(NC-17)Linux性爱体位宝典

作者: 2009-04-03,04:05 下午 周五

关于Linux与性,Linux之父Linus Torvalds曾一语惊人,Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.而事实上作为广大Linux爱好者的Geek们并没有割裂Linux与性的关系,他们别出心裁地用Linux性爱体位的方式介绍了开源用户与Linux亲密接触的开源“性爱宝典”(Kama Sutra)。

Helping you optimally configure your love life

When Tux the penguin was introduced as the Linux mascot, Linus Torvald said he didn’t want the OS to be associated with “a randy penguin.” We think it’s time to loosen up and let the little guy have some fun.

Tux and his female friend Lux are here to show you how to fsck, open source style. These positions are designed for smoothness and stability. Whether you like twiddling your bits or dangling your dongle, there’s something here to add to your sexual skillset.

Position 1 – Patching the Kernel

The female kneels facing the male and applies her mouth to his organ, giving him oral gratification. Should be repeated as often as possible for best results.


Position 2 – Backend Arch

 

The male lays on his back. The female faces away from him and lowers herself onto his prong, achieving penetration. She arches backwards and pumps her hips up and down.


Position 3 – Downloading the Drivers

 

The female lies supine and the male grasps her legs, lifting her lower body up and angling it downward. Spreading her legs, he inserts himself into her from behind and thrusts until downloading is complete.


Position 4 – Mounting the Hard Disk

 

The male lays on his back and the female faces him and mounts his hard member, then rides it till it becomes floppy.


Position 5 – Congress of the GNU

 

The male approaches the crouching female from the rear. He inserts himself into her, and while they unite, she places one or both hands on the floor for added stability.


Position 6 – Spanning-Tree Protocol Posture

 

The male stands upright and supports the female as she wraps her legs around him. He holds her under the legs, supporting her weight while their data path remains active.


Position 7 – Embedding the Stack

 

The female reclines on her back with legs spread. The male kneels between her legs and leans forward, embedding himself in her.


Position 8 – 01000101 = 45 = 69

 

The classic 69 position, in which both partners give and receive oral gratification simultaneously, creating a nonhierarchical loop. May be performed in hex, binary, or decimal, according to your preference.


Position 9 – Forking the Code

 

The partners face one another, seated, legs extended. They join at the root, uniting their organs of procreation, then lean their upper bodies away from each other, resting weight on their hands.


Position 10 – Loading the Queue

 

The male stands behind the female as she bends over and extends one leg backward, resting her weight on one or both hands. He holds her body in alignment while executing his install.


Position 11 – Partitioning the Drive

 

The female lays on her side with legs parted. The male lifts her upper leg and, spreading them apart, inserts himself. During sex, he should make sure that her legs do not overlap.


 

Position 12 – Piercing the Firewall

The partners stand facing each other. The female raises one foot and the male grasps and holds her upraised leg while breaching the gates of her yoni.

当然本着Geek们不进行性取向歧视的原则,你也可以找到对应的Lesbian Linux Sex PositionsGay Linux Sex Positions

 

Linux has given rise to many permutations and variations. Lesbian sexuality is one way of expressing the variety and freewheeling spirit of this OS. All of these positions require two women, and some utilize a strap-on dildo and harness.

Position 1- Woody

Both partners are standing. The partner wearing the strap-on positions herself behind the other woman, who bends from the waist. The active partner penetrates her from the rear.


 

Position 2 – Ifupdown

The partner wearing the strap-on lies on her back and the other woman mounts her facing away, and then bounces up and down on the dick.


Position 3 – Fakeroot

 

The receptive partner lies with her legs parted, while the partner wearing the strap-on mounts and penetrates her from above.


Position 4 – SuperH

 

The partner wearing the strap-on lies on her back, while the other woman mounts her from the top. SuperH refers to the Hitachi platform, and in this case, the position can be enhanced if one of the partners uses a Hitachi Magic Wand.


Postion 5 – WET11

 

In this position the two partners simulate the shape of a wireless ethernet bridge. The standing partner represents the antenna, while the partner kneeling on all fours represents the base unit. The kneeling partner stimulates the other orally, while the standing partner transmits signals vocally.


Postion 6 – Loopback Interface

 

The two partners simulate a mini local network by engaging in a mutual and simultaneous oral-genital interface. This allows them to bypass any unreliable external sources of stimulation, such as unstable males or broken sex toys.


Postion 7 – LIX Extension

 

One partner lies on her back while the other kneels between her open legs and gratifies her orally. This position is especially popular among digital librarians and seminary students.

 

 

Linux doesn’t have the toughest image, but we’re about to change all that. Forget vanilla programming. Are you ready for Linux and leather? Here are some hardcore Linux sex positions for all you macho men. And yes, Tux is a leather-loving bottom. Didn’t you guess?

Position 1- Master/Slave

The partners emulate the master/slave server relationship, with the kneeling partner subservient to the dominant standing partner, who controls their exchange and data transfer.


Position 2 – Nero

 

The receiving partner lowers himself on his partner’s member while facing away, then seats himself in the manner of an emperor on a throne, or a Linux wannabe who just compiled his first kernel.


Postion 3 – Dual Boot

 

The receptive partner lies on his back with his legs parted, while the dominant partner penetrates him from above. Most effective if both partners are wearing boots.


Postion 4 – Ruby on Rails

 

Both partners lie side by side and one penetrates the other from behind. Also called the infinite loop back.


Postion 5 – SIT Tunnel

 

The active partner lays on his back and the receiving partner faces him and lowers himself onto his penis. Their intercourse simulates the routing path that information takes between two nodes.


Postion 6 – Raise(3)

 

One partner inserts himself into the other from behind, and then picks him up and continues intercourse in a standing position. The partner who does the holding and standing is the “handler”. Requires a lot of upper body strength and thorough knowledge of programming commands. 

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2009年4月3日

太强大了,很黄很暴力。 |:titter:|

Posted by xt
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